I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
