Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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