I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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