I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
