ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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