it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
