omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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