i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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