We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
