I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
