My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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