Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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