your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
