Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
