He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
