i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
