You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
