So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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