tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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