i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
