singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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