Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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