Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
