the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
