booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
