so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
