my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
