cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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