We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
