And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
