God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
