I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
