woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
