am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
