saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
