Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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