his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
