Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
