Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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