Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
