We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
