I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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