Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
