If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
