Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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