remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's Friday. Sex?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let the clothes fall where they may.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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