My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
