my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
