it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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