I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
