omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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