remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
