Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
