Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
