All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
