yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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