pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
